come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
