I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
