her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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