well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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