i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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