I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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