I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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