I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
