so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
