Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
