Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
