Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
