Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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