i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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