Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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