He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
