You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
