the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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