he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
