high people should be assigned attendants
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
