i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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