My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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