apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i think my cat just said my name.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
