I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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