It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
