just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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