I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
pray to the hookup gods
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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