i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
