stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
tell me about the eggs
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize