Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
