He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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