I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
