dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
