I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
