you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
