What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
