Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
