Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
