I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
