I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
