i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
