I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
