Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
