final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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