I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
