Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
