There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
