I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
