Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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