ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
