I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
