it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
