If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
