Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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