Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I supernannyed him into submission
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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