sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
