Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
