Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
