So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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