I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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