Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
