what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
