He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
