there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
