So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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