I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
