Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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