I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
