If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
