im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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