I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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