like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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