Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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