you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
