Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
