Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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