Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
