he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
