Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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