wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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