And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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