I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
