you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
