dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
