I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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