My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
