does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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