she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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