You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
