I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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