I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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