Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
