Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
