i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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