So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
