What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
