thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
