Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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