Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize