Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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