Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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