Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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