I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize