if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
