The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
