The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just cut my nipple shaving
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
