So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
