SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
