Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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