I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
