i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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