remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
