You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
